I'm not a perfect mom. It's okay, but it's not okay. And I'm living in that tension.
Sometimes I lose my patience. Sometimes I raise my voice with my kids. And that's okay. I'm human and make mistakes. But also, that's not okay. It's hurtful and I want to be better.
Sometimes there are weeks where we eat out a lot. And that's okay. Life is stressful and busy and it's okay to cut corners when we need to. But also, that's not okay because my kids need healthy food to fuel their body and it's important to stay within our budget.
Sometimes I'm selfish and I choose to spend my time alone, doing what I want to do. And that's okay. As a parent, I have to take care of everyone else 95% of the time, so it's good and healthy to take time for me. But also, that's not okay. There are times I could choose to not scroll Instagram and be present with my kids instead.
I'm far from perfect. And that's part of being human. The Bible says we "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). I'm only human, and can recognize that I have limitations and weaknesses. I don't have to live in guilt, but can accept forgiveness and grace.
But at the same time, I really do want to be better.
I wake up almost every morning with a determination to improve. But then life happens, the kids are difficult, the laundry is overflowing, my to-do list is never-ending and then I get overwhelmed and find myself failing again, even with the best of intentions. I try and try, but I just can't grit my teeth and make it happen in my own power.
But God.
God is working in us to free us from sinful habits and become more and more like Christ. I don't want to be impatient, selfish, or unkind. I'm not satisfied with how I am. The good news is, for those of us in Christ, we have the power to change!
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17).
When we are in Christ, we are empowered to change and improve. We don't have to just be who we've always been.
When we allow God to work in our lives, He will shape us into who He's called us to be. And when we stay close to Jesus, the overflow will be the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) which makes us better people.
Jesus said:
“I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, so that it will be even more fruitful. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me" (John 15 1-6).
God the Father is pruning us to become more like Him. Through difficulty, challenges, and trials, He's slowly shaping us into His likeness. We are growing in character and virtue.
Also, when we spend time with Jesus, "remaining" in Him, we will start to see the fruit of the Spirit in our lives and that's where change happens. We have to stay connected to Christ, because we can't make these changes in our own power. We are just branches, so we have to stay connected to the vine. That's why it's essential to stay close to Christ, the true power source.
Staying close to God will help us to change.
We can't do it on our own.
But thankfully, He will help us.
So, while I want to give myself loads of grace for being only human, I also want to allow the power of God to work within me to change me and transform me into who I'm called to be. Because I really do want to be more patient. I want to be more selfless. I want to have more self-control.
I want to be the best I can be.
Our culture encourages us to "be ourselves" and "be who you are" and "never change" but part of who I am is anxious, impatient, impulsive, and selfish and I don't want to be that part of myself.
Actually, I truly believe I'm most myself when I lose myself completely and surrender to who God says I am (made in His image, loved by Him) and who He is making me to be (more like Him).
I've heard it said "I'm a person, not a project" but actually, I am both. I am only human and there's grace for that, but I'm also being molded and shaped into someone better and I'm really alright with that. Transformation is good. Improvement is a beautiful thing. I'm not okay with how I am, but in the meantime, I can accept my limitations, knowing that sanctification is a slow process, but I'm growing day-by-day.
I'm only human and that's okay. But I'm being transformed into His likeness, and that's even better.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:23).
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