The day I had my third child was the day my husband joined a new company. While I was in the recovery room after surgery, holding our brand new baby girl, he was signing his offer letter. We thought it would be one big beautiful fresh start.
The only problem was, a new start at a new company meant a big transition, which would require his time, attention, focus, and travel.
My recovery was more challenging than expected and took longer than the previous two, which left me in bed with the baby, alone in our room, all day for almost a month. Also, I was caring for the baby, alone, all throughout the night. I was alone physically, but also emotionally.
I wasn't physically able to go to church to be a part of community. I was too exhausted to visit with friends. I didn't really know how to reach out to family.
I took a long maternity leave this time, so I wouldn't be going back to work for months, even if I had the physical capacity.
I wish I could say I was emotionally strong enough to just power through and go it alone without complaint. But the truth is, I was pretty devastated about doing the newborn phase alone. I felt pretty dejected about being isolated all the time.
Our bedroom television stopped working during this same month. I would normally choose to pass the time feeding the baby by watching TV, but I was left in a dark, silent room.
So instead, I read my Bible. I started to pray. I started to read a Christian book on experiencing God. I started to listen to worship music on my headphones while I fed the baby.
And a cool thing happened. All alone, in the stillness and quiet, night-by-night and even day-by-day, I grew closer to God.
"In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).
The quietness and aloneness was actually a blessing because I was finally still enough to hear from God. With nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to talk to, I was able to connect with God in deep and meaningful ways.
When I sought God, He met me there. Just like the Bible promised,
"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8).
He was always there. And with no one to talk to and nothing to distract me, I turned to Him and He met me. His presence blessed me. He reminded me I wasn't alone or forgotten. Scripture brought encouragement, saying:
"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you" (Isaiah 49:15).
Of course I couldn't forget this sweet baby I was nursing! I thought the world of this baby. I was so unexplainably in love with this child. She was unconditionally loved. And that's how God feels about His children. God, our Heavenly Father, hadn't forgotten about me. I wasn't alone in this.
Even though I couldn't walk far or drive anywhere, God met me right where I was.
Even though I felt I couldn't share my pain with others, I could share it with God.
Thankfully,
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted" (Psalms 34:18).
God was with me in my sadness and loneliness. And that was truly enough.
There's a story in the Old Testament about a woman named Hagar who was mistreated so badly that she ran away to the desert. But there, all alone in the desert, Hagar encountered God. God didn't leave her alone.
After the encounter, she called Him El Roi, which means "The God who sees me" (Genesis 16). This is the same God I encountered, who saw me in my loneliness. This is the same God who sees you right now.
Experiencing God in those quiet weeks and hours, alone day and night, was one of the best times of my life, because my relationship with God grew as I experienced His presence, love, and comfort firsthand. My faith in God grew as I saw His ability to sustain me, even in my pain and loneliness. Looking back, I clearly see how that time was really a gift - to be able to bond with my new baby so closely because I had no distractions and to have time set apart to just grow in my relationship with God. It was wonderful to truly experience that when other things were stripped away, Christ alone was sufficient.
I believe you'll find that too.
"The Lord your God goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
"I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20).
"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:18).
*Disclaimer: Of course, I am not encouraging isolation. The Bible also says "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18) and that He "puts the lonely in families" (Psalms 68:6) and "two are better than one because if one falls down the other can help him up (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). But if you find yourself in a season or situation of loneliness (newborn phase, busy season, global pandemic, etc.) I hope this encourages you! As you draw near to God, ask Him to provide the community and support you need. He is faithful! We have family, friends, loved ones, or the local church that want to provide encouragement and support. We are meant to do life together! :)
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